Garrison Keillor: Those five million outlaw voters

Meanwhile, we are dealing with the idea that five million Americans, registered to vote in more than one place, hit the road on Election Day to cast as many ballots as possible for Hillary Clinton, a mass migration not seen except in Godzilla movies, and yet it was so poorly managed that, despite cheating ON A SCALE NEVER BEFORE SEEN IN HUMAN HISTORY, she lost the Electoral College.

The Illinois Democrats forgot to go up to Wisconsin and Michigan, the New Yorkers didn't cross over to Pennsylvania. Pathetic! And dead people too! Democratic precinct workers may have bought the driver's licenses of deceased voters from corrupt undertakers and smudged the photographs and come to the polls right after lunch when the pollwatchers are sleepy and not paying close attention. Five million left-wing outlaws! Eighty-thousand votes in the right places -- a dunk shot! -- she would be Madam President today, but even with five million, she couldn't put the ball in the basket! Sad. (It's like owning a casino and going bankrupt: How do you go broke when you can rig the slot machines?)

Five million is an alternative fact. Other alternatives would be: (1) There was not much cheating at all. (2) There are five million Syrian refugees in this country whom we know nothing about. (3) That is the president's natural hair color.

More devastation of Dear Leader's silly charge of voter fraud here.